


Verse Two

by CelesteFitzgerald



Series: Perryshmirtz Week 2018 [5]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Crack, Drunk Heinz, M/M, Possible Dubcon Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 21:35:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16354691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteFitzgerald/pseuds/CelesteFitzgerald
Summary: Heinz has a bit too much to drink, and decides that Perry's theme song is getting a bit old - so he makes it his mission to...spice it up a bit.





	Verse Two

**Author's Note:**

> Perryshmirtz Week Day 5: Crack   
> (Possible slight dubcon kissing)

“Heyyyy, hey hey hey Platy the Perrypus— _whoops_ , Perry the Platyplat—Pussypus—Pl—”

Perry sighed and tried to push his boyfriend back onto the couch; Heinz was bound to fall over any second now if he kept trying to stand. Unfortunately, drunk Heinz was still just as strong as sober Heinz. He stumbled around, gesturing wildly with a wine glass in hand, which would have been a much messier problem if he hadn’t already drained the whole thing.

It was Perry’s own fault, really. Heinz had been under the impression that he was just buying sparkling grape juice, and Perry hadn’t bothered to read the label until it was already too late. As for how Heinz hadn’t realized his mistake as soon as he had tasted it…well, Perry didn’t have an answer to that question.

“Perry the Platypus!” Heinz looked proud that he had finally gotten it right. “Perry the Platypus, doesn’t your theme song ever get _boring_? It’s the same thing, over an’ over an’ over an’ over an’ over—”

Perry coughed.

“—an’ over again. Don’t you ever wanna… _spice it up_ a bit?” Heinz asked, leaning down in front of Perry’s face to wink at him.

Heinz’s tone had some…interesting implications. Ignoring the voice in his head telling him to shut this down, Perry raised an eyebrow and smirked.

He knew he had made the right decision when he saw Heinz’s face light up. “Well, it’s your lucky day, Perry the Platypus, because I’m going to help you,” Heinz said, booping Perry’s bill and kissing the top of his head. He left behind a flustered Perry as he dug around in a drawer for his mp3 player and plugged it into the stereo.

Because _of course_ Heinz would have an instrumental version of Perry’s theme song in his music library.

The familiar sound of the backing vocals started to play, and Heinz began to sway, intentionally this time. He gave Perry a flirtatious smile as he danced, then started to sing:

_“He’s a sexy, erotic, fore-playin’ mammal of passion._

_He’s a furry little sex god, who really pulls off lingerie-ee-ay-ee-ay._

_He’s got more than just smooth hips, he’s got a spiky cock with two tips._

_And it gets me hot whenever I hear him saaaaaaay:”_

By the time Heinz reached his cue, Perry was too flustered and embarrassed ~~and turned-on~~ to think. It was only after Heinz waggled his eyebrows and bit his bottom lip in anticipation that Perry remembered his line.

“ _Krrrrrrrrrrr_.”

Looking very-much satisfied, Heinz pounced on him and pinned him to the couch before delivering the final line of the song.

“ _He’s Perry, Perry the Sexy-pus.”_

As Heinz began hungrily planting kisses all over Perry’s body, Perry was _almost_ too distracted to notice that Heinz’s lyrics were far too intricate to be improvised on the spot while drunk. But that conversation could wait until later; Perry was a bit preoccupied at the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a day late, but I got it done! Just two more days to go! (Also, I know that the song technically already got a verse 2 in one of the episodes, but "Verse Two" just sounds like a better title than "Verse Three," lol.)


End file.
